“He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.”
— Winston Churchill, Prime Minister of the UK
“If there is a warning, then someone did it.”
— Stephen Colbert, Comedian and Writer
“Happiness? That's nothing more than good health and a poor memory.”
— Dr. Albert Schweitzer, Musician, Theologian and Physician, I heard this from my Dad
“Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.”
— Groucho Marx, Comedian and Actor
“You can put lipstick on a pig, but it'll still be a pig.”
— Fred Alexander, Dad
“The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.”
— Steven Wright, Comedian
“What happens if you get scared half to death twice?”
— Steven Wright, Comedian
“A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.”
— Steven Wright, Comedian